i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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