It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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