I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
