i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
