I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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