i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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