he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
