I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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