my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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