I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Green mimosas i think yes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
