Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
