you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
