ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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