his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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