don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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