Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
