dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
