I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
