i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
