I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
