i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
