Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
