She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize