Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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