I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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