you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
