the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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