oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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