i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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