I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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