No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
