what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
