I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.