DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.