remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.