Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.