You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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