i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
