I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
