he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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