I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
