Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
