anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize