so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
