I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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