i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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