I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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