The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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