Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
