Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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