i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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