I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
