Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
