just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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