It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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