She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
