I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
