He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
