What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
