I heard we made out
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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