According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We're too hungover to prance.
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