hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
